Versions of this page have been circulating for some time. Some philosophical schools, as well as religions, have worked their way in. Some people don't think that religion, or at least their religion, is a matter for humor. If these characterizations offend anyone, please be informed that they are supposed to offend everyone. If you think you might be offended, pleasure return to the Philosophy of Religion index.
| Taoism | Shit happens. |
| Confucianism | Confucius say, "Shit happens." |
| Buddhism | If shit happens, it isn't really shit. |
| Zen Buddhism | What is the sound of shit happening? |
| Hinduism | This shit happened before. |
| Mormonism | This shit is going to happen again. |
| Islam | If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah. |
| Stoicism | This shit is its own reward. |
| Protestantism | Let this shit happen to someone else. |
| Calvinism | Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. |
| Pentecostalism | In Jesus' name, heal this shit! |
| Catholicism | Shit happens because you deserve it. |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happen to us? |
| Zoroastrianism | Shit happens half the time. |
| Marxism | This shit is going to hit the fan. |
| Atheism | No shit. |
| Seventh Day Adventist | No shit on Saturdays. |
| Existentialism | Absurd shit. |
| Agnosticism | What is this shit? |
| Nihilism | Who gives a shit? |
| Deconstruction | Shit happens in hegemonic meta-narratives. |
| Christian Science | Shit is in your mind. |
| Moonies | Only happy shit really happens. |
| Jehovah's Witnesses | Knock, Knock, shit happens. |
| Scientology | Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard |
| Hare Krishna | Shit happens, Rama Rama. |
| Hedonism | There's nothing like a good shit happening. |
| Rastafarianism | Let's smoke this shit. |